When I think about it, the most important parts of what matter to me in a relationship are respect, understanding, and cooperation. This has to be two-way and equal. If this is true then we have an even playing field to grow and mature.

I was given a tour of parts of Windsor late into the night. At one point I mentioned something about the contrast between this town and back home. I feel that at that point I may have stepped over a line and actually said something bad. I wasn’t thinking too much about it at the time but I feel that I was being somewhat judgmental.

I apologize.

I had a lovely tour of the city and in a way I wish we could have spent a bit more time in town. You had pointed out so many places to see we could have done them, we should have visited them.

Of course, we also loved to sleep in well into the late morning and early afternoon so that limited our tour a bit. :)

When we got to Toronto we had a library of things to do and places to see and food to eat! Such an overload of activity was probably not met with any research so it was probably my failure to prepare in advance. As well I thought that for once I could wing everything - since I didn’t want to be disappointed if plans do not go accordingly. Why sweat the small stuff (foiled itineraries) when I should be enjoying the company of R?

I see now that a bit more preparation could have helped. Example being a list of places and food I may have wanted to eat at, as well as their addresses. Lessons learned.

To that end the Indian restaurants that I was taken to were a delightful surprise. Being terrible at the “try something new” when I am faced with strange new decisions (I tend to stick to the tried and true) I had a wonderful inside guide and expert in the field to pick out favorites and new flavones for me to try.

Absolutely delicious! I may nit have been able to handle the heat well enough but it didn’t leave me regretting any bite I took. They were great!

(and for the note, I am missing the delicious food)

As far as the Chinese food goes I could have been the worst guide there is! With so many different regions and styles I am only an expert in one very tiny field - most of the food in there being pretty much off limits as they were heavy on beef and pork, not spicy enough (bland), or just too ‘weird’ from a perhaps outside perspective. In comparison - it just plain sucked.

Am I embarrassed? Oh hells yeah!

So back to respect, understanding, and cooperation. R was a very respectable and most often understanding guy. Granted sometimes we had our difference of opinions during our stay in Toronto, he was a gentleman enough to talk things through with me. He is also a great navigator when the GPS decided to be vague and confusing. I suppose that means he is great at cooperating with me ;)

But in seriousness he showed and proved to be a great team player and respected my opinions. Whether he agreed to them or not is another story ;)

We had our differences of opinion and at a few points you called me selfish. Perhaps that is true, but I will vouch a difference of expectations between what I felt a vacation should be and what you felt it should be. To this note we probably should have talked about it a little more than casually mentioning the ‘plan’. Thus we were both ‘at fault’ and not at the same time.

I had imagined that we could go out and explore a place or two and eat some food. Granted that due to upcoming interview nervousness and preparation, the vacation I had in mind did not pan out.

I was fully aware and agreed to help you in your interview preparations. But at the same time I was also disappointed that my envisioned plan was not happening. In a way I guess, I was at a conflict with myself for getting upset over something that I promised I would not get angry at.

In a blind fit of overwhelming emotions (can I blame PMS?) I made the mistake of blaming R in silence. I felt that if we/he were able to get up earlier we could have done more. If he didn’t drink at night he could have woken up before noon. If we were up before noon we could actually have lunch at lunchtime and not at the unusually late/early 4pm. If we had lunch earlier then we could also have a proper dinner at suppertime and not have to scour the city at 10pm when restaurants are closing down and we would be limited to takeout. If this then that, and if that then those…

The anger was on my face and it showed behind snarky comments. That much I agree was my being selfish.

It obviously wasn’t his fault but ours (after all, I slept in as well) and thus have nobody to blame. And the point of the trip was to visit the boy, extra sightseeing was a bonus.

This I knew already but I was already upset and so in conflict I couldn’t even think properly and kept frowning.

After a much heated exchanging of words and my unexpected breakdown he was understanding enough to forgive my behavior and put it behind us. After all, there is no point in ruining a quickly ending trip just over a few rude comments and behavioral faults?

He did grab and hold me when I felt the most vulnerable and in my book, that was really all I needed. Just a silent way of telling me that it was okay.

If I had learned anything from this trip it is:

• the boy can be a picky eater as far as Chinese food is concerned. But that is still okay because there is food that he is willing to eat and that really is all that matters in my book. We probably should have ventured to more Asian restaurants anyway for more flair and adventure rather than playing it safe
• I can tend to be a big baby sometimes. I need to work on that. A lot
• we like to sleep in a lot
• prepare, prepare, prepare
• my spice tolerance is actually better than I thought, but that doesn’t say very much anyway.
• I still love you, even more so now
• you have proven to love me more than I can prove to love you. You are a keeper and I should strive to show I love you more.
• I can have fun and enjoy things even when they don’t go quite as planned. And when that happens, I just have to be open and flexible about it. I also need to voice them.
• PDA is okay in his book and mine. Just a bit and often subtly, but it’s okay! I often got a bit self conscious and shy (are ppl staring?) but quickly shrugged it aside with a “who gives a damn, it’s not their business”)
• he has lovely brown eyes and a beautiful laugh and smile. Why he doesn’t laugh and smile more is beyond me!
• and lots more!